Are you a conqueror or a victim?

Do you live with strain, challenges and obstacles? I know, who doesn’t, right? We all live with challenges at one time or another. What we must keep in mind is that each one of these challenges or obstacles are for our own best interest. How? Challenges are a lesson. They are meant for us to see. Once we see them, we are facing them. It helps to make us stronger. We have no choice but to deal with the challenge and endure it. While we are dealing with the challenge, we come up with a solution and way to cope with it and find a solution. No matter what the situation, the car breaks down, a break in a relationship, the end of a job, kids are acting up in school or hanging with the wrong crowd, someone was diagnosed with an illness, money and finances are being depleted, a pet is suffering, drug or alcohol dependancy, a crime happened, etc., and the list goes on and on. All these challenges are for us to grow and serve as a lesson to be dealt with and learned. I know, not something you want to hear, but it is true. Once you overcome a challenge, you are a conqueror, which brings us to another lesson, accepting. Contemplate on some past issues and determine what you learned from it. If you say nothing, well, be prepared for the occurrence to happen again in your future. Situations have a tendency to recur until you learn the lesson that is confronting you. It’s like the spiral dance, as you are dancing through life, bam! you are faced with the situation again. Once you learn from it, you’ll be faced with new lessons instead of old ones. I spoke of two lessons which can apply - the challenge which you conquer and overcome as well as accepting - you didn’t want the challenge, but you had to deal and accept it one way or another.

Another thing to ponder, what about our children. Are they a victim or a conqueror? Can they understand their school lessons and comprehend them? Are they being riddled with peer pressure or considered an outcast? Are they hiding the fact that they are gay or might be? Do their parents show concern for them or neglect them? Are they drowning their self esteem or challenges with drugs and or alcohol? Do they come from a broken home? In all reality, many children are being raised by only one parent. A majority of the time, that one parent will work long hours or even more than one job and really doesn’t have that much quality time with the child or children so they (the kids) are faced with the reality of being alone or fending for themselves. But, on the other hand, some children do have a home with two parents or they may have parents that split up but each parent shows interest and will spend time with them. Now, if that is the case, the child may think - ug, why can’t they just leave me alone and let me be myself? Or they may want to do something with so and so but it’s dad’s weekend and, therefore, that plan to visit or see so and so won’t manifest. It’s up to the parent (parents) to take an interest in the children. After all, children are a blessing, not just a claim on the taxes. Two souls touched and created the life of our children. It’s up to the adults in the child’s life to watch for signs (after all, we were that age once) and to have an open sign on the door so they can speak to us about something that is being carried around by them. We need to make the time to listen. If they don’t want to talk or open up, we need to remind them that we are here and were that age once and we can help with some suggestions (don’t be pushy) or we can be here to listen incase they want to vent about some area in their life. After all, you are looking at our future - perhaps the next scientist, doctor or nurse, a teacher, a future inventor, a president of a company, author of a book, etc.. Our kids look to the adults in their lives and will repeat what they see, behavior wise. If you curse, they will curse. If you practice poor hygiene, so will they. If you are lazy and only do things half ass or take the easy way out, it will reflect on your children. If you abuse people or bully them, one day, so will your child. Remember, how we handle things will rub off on our children. So strive to be a good role model, not just for the children in our lives, but for everyone around who would be affected, including co-workers, spouses, friends and family members. Strive to be the best person that you can be and, in return, you will be able to look back and have no regrets.

People carry so much luggage and baggage around with them today that it is difficult to get over the hurdles life throws our way. Example, you start dating a new person. Well, until you get to know this person, God only knows what experiences they have had. Time will tell what baggage they carry and if their ex has a tendency to hover around and put dampers on things or create a living hell. If children are involved, then be prepared for the kids to come first and foremost before you. You may not even meet the kids until the relationship seems to develop some possible future potential. Then you can deal with those issues as they develop - like will the kids like you and accept you or be jealous because you take up time in their parent’s life, or will the ex create havoc because of not wanting the kids around you or even finances may be tight due to child support, etc.. Whatever the case may be, deal with it and do so in an adult like fashion.

Another situation to ponder, how do you deal with being a victim of a crime or loss? There is no easy answer to this. Things happen. Things happen to good people. Again, you are faced with a challenge - why did this happen, how could this happen, why me, why so and so, etc.? You are angry, depressed, vengeful, may cut yourself off from life or other people, may feel dirty and violated, and the list goes on. Time goes by. You deal with it, have to face and accept it because it happened. A child was taken or is missing, a loved one left this earthly realm and moved on to the next, you were assaulted or violated, a car accident occurred and the victim suffered loss of body functions or a limb, someone suffered a stroke and is dealing with paralysis, you lost your earthly possessions in a fire, flood or some act of nature. These things happen every single day to someone. Considering these consequences, it makes you feel lucky and that your worries may be absolutely nothing compared to the situations spoken of above. It may even make you feel sad or guilty that you have it so good.

Believe it or not, but there can be some good that comes from those awful experiences. How can I say that? What is wrong with me? Think about the good that can come from organ donations. From this selflessness, someone else gets another chance. It has been said that part of that loved one lives on in this other person. If you have a loss of a body function or limb, you learn to adapt, can still use your mind and may use your experience to help counsel others who will face the same situation or invent something that will help yourself and others with the same prognosis. Dealing with death is part of life. From the time we are conceived, we are destined to die. There is no way around it. It has been that way since the evolution of time. Humans have a soul and are born of spirit. Our body is our clothing that we wear on this earthly realm. I do not know why my Heavenly Father put me on this earthly plateau, (I surmise its to help people) but I know I am destined to be back with Him again one day. I, personally, do not fear death but I do fear how it will occur. I, personally, have been close to it a few times and still feel as though I have one foot in the grave, which is why I can walk through the realms with ease. Losing possessions teaches us many things - to rebuild, start again and stronger foundations (emotional/spiritual), teaches what is important to us and what we take for granted (family, each other, etc.), to feel and appreciate how lucky we are to be here even though we suffered such a loss. It gives a renewed strength and outlook. I know, you are most likely saying - yeah, right - who thinks that way? Have you ever lived through it? And you may be saying or thinking - well what good comes out of assault or being violated? Nothing good comes from that. Well, lets ponder that. I know many will not agree with anything that I have written and that is okay. Everyone is entitled to freedom of speech and opinions. An assault could be a way of opening up someone’s eyes. Example, if a female is assaulted from a male partner, what is that telling you? Are there kids living in the household to witness this or to, perhaps, be assaulted or abused also? If it’s a random act, perhaps it’s a way to show someone what the next step is if they stay with a particular person who has anger issues and characteristics along those lines, or to realize that they are taking risks and chances that they shouldn’t be - like why were you out at that time and what was so important to be out at that time or, if a teenager, why did you run away - are things really that bad? If a male, were you flashing cash earlier that made you a target, were you just at the wrong place at the wrong time, did you butt into a feud so to keep punches from happening or the situation from getting out of line? The reasons are endless. The person who does the assaulting could be a drug addict, could have had a bad day or could be so desperate to save their house or family from starving that they resulted to crime because they couldn’t see any other way. Being violated is a whole different story. I have known women to take self defense classes, become counselors, learn to shoot a gun, become more aware of their surroundings, change laws and if a child resulted, some have chose to have it. As a result of that, they are more grounded and less impulsive, more family orientated, never alone, more focused and determined. When they are confronted by people who learn of this decision and questioned, their response is - God let them live through it, that they know the difference between love and brutality, that its not the child’s fault so they can’t hold it against the innocent child in all of this, that the child is the best thing that has ever happened to them and are blessed to have been given the name ‘mother.’ Imagine that? Not everyone would see it like that. Different people, different perspectives. What they all do have in common is that each of these women say they are a better person, today, for having experienced that brutality. How do they handle telling the child about the man who ‘fathered’ them? Well, all the women agree that the child should know one day. Secrets have a way to come out of the closet one way or another. They explain that the child is a creation of Almighty God. They explain that the child is set apart from others for a reason. No, the child didn’t get here by showing up and being a ‘happy’ accident or by being planned like most are, but by having God breathe life into the child in a different way and some sort of destiny is placed upon the child. Now, the loss or taking of a child is a different story. Nothing ever really seems to make sense from this. It’s just a senseless tragedy. The only thing that comes to my mind that could be positive is if the parents rally to change laws (like the nationwide Amber alert) or the culprit having a more harsher punishment law-wise or, better yet, put the offending culprit in a wing with the general population in a prison. If the state or parents don’t believe in the death penalty, then a short visit (from time to time) of the culprit to the general population’s outside exercise time may prove to be appealing. They can have unbelievable and unspeakable things (well, things I won’t mention in the blog) done to them. This torment is their affliction and punishment for the horrific crime they committed. I’m not saying these things to be cruel, as some of you may be thinking. I am just pondering ideas and how I would feel. We’ve all seen the movies about abductions, unspeakable crimes and TV shows on crime dramas. (One movie that comes to mind is Eye for an eye, with Sally Field and Keifer Sutherland). People handle traumas differently. Each and every one of these instances mentioned, result in a new life somehow and in someway. No matter what, things won’t be the same after any of these occur.

I’m not trying to make people live in fear, the point is destinies can change in an eye blink of an instant. We all know this. Some think this could never or will never happen to them. You can walk out your door and never make it to your destination. Take that any way you want to, whether you turn around and go home because you don’t feel well, don’t want to deal with someone who will be there, the vehicle breaks down or God takes you home. The point is to look around you and appreciate what you have. After all, life is short. Live life to its fullest, be happy with what you do have, deal with issues instead of dodging them and be the best you can be. Choose to conquer and not be the victim. Brightest blessings.

Originally posted 6/1/09, written by LAA in 4/09. May not use without authors concent.